Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
