i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
