Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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