I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
