Will you blow on my dice?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
