you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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