I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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