ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
