my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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