What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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