omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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