it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
