You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
