My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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