fuck your aforementioned shoe
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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