Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
