I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
