In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
