Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
