i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he wants to bone in the snuggie
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
