I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
