trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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