You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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