I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
