Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
