I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
