the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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