the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate all girls vehemently.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
