I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize