it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is the high leading the old right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
