wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
