I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
