I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
