I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize