so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
