Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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