So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
