Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
