she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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