you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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