Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
