Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
