I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
