i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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