I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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