I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
