I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
