i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
