i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
