I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
