I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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