literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
