i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
