ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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