Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
