She said her name was "party"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
