And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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