Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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