my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize