So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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