oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
