i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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