can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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