Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize