what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
