Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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