By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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