My first STD was from a foam party
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I texted him: βCome over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.β
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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