So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
