Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
