My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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