I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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