it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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