he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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