she was so not down for the gang bang
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
