he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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