I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
