Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
