Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
