see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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