I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
