I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
