No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
