Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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