Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We talked him into tasing himself.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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