I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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