so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
