don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
