Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
