So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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