I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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