i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
