My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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