Will you blow on my dice?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
