yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
