Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize